Diving Down the Deep End

Is it just me or is everyday so monotonous? I feel as if there is no change in my life and nothing to look forward too. The tides are not changing, rather they are flowing at a very slow pace. I wish for something different, something to excite me, but it seems that nothing can. Is it my own apathy? Or is it the world that I have created giving me this extreme sense of boredom and uselessness? What to do...

I need an answer. I feel like everything has no purpose or sense. Everything I do in life, will it really make it a difference? Are my ambitions as strong as I believe it to be? Perhaps, or perhaps not. I want to figure this all out. I am trying my hardest to make my life more exciting, but it doesn't appear to be the case. Same shit, different day as they say. I feel like the protagonist in the movie Office Space. Done with everything, done with all of this, in search of something different and new.

There is one thing I want. Something I would like. Something that I want so badly. But wanting won't get me it. I need to search for answers. I thought I was over it, but perhaps I'm not. My heart yearns for more, but I lack the ability to get it. My heart won't stop. It cries for it. What has happened to me? My senses have crumbled, my sensibilities are no longer working properly. I know the correct answer, and yet, I don't want that. I want the other. The wrong. The one that would be rationally wrong to pursue.

I guess all I need to do now is graduate and find a job. But does it really get better? No....I already know that as fact.