Forsaken!! Oh Forsaken!!

I was told about the confusion, the dilemma, so to speak, when you're out of school. You're clueless, what do you do? Your whole life was simple, now it's just so complicated, a paradigm if you will. Well, I believed it. I was told what would happen, but I was just unsure of what exactly would happen to me. Every experience is different as one would say, but what am I to expect? They throw you out with nothing. No one. Nothing, silence, ambiguity. I sit. I wait. I take the little that I have learned and try to apply it to my environment, and alas, I am unsuccessful.

Ahh to be taken back to those days. Those days when everything was almost automatic, a robotic sort of way. Serene. Uncomplicated. Simple. My path was clear and it was straight. Someone was always holding my hand, and guiding me to my destination. Now they have let go. I am on my own. My own wake within the fold. Still I stand, just staring. All these questions I have. All these complexities that I ask myself. I thought I knew, but doesn't everyone? So many different roads for me to take, so to speak, yet none offer one clear path. I sit down, shaking. Unable to commit, unable to make a decision. I question which is the right path, but is there even one?

My mind, a paradox, my feelings, are often in disarray. So I contemplate, and I contemplate some more. It does a body good so to speak or does it leave it lost in the woods. My commitment lacks. My disappointment in myself grows. Why can't I set myself on the right path? Why can't I push myself as much as I did before? Perhaps I've lost my fire. Perhaps I've lost my faith. Perhaps, just perhaps, I'm asking for guidance. Though none is apparent. Maybe, just maybe, I need to find this one on my own...