A Diatribe of Sorts...

I may be writing this out of boredom, or the fact that I really do want to vent, but I'm going to say that it's more of the former rather than the latter.

Being at home without a job sucks. Being at home without going to school also sucks. In sum, I need something to do with my life or else I feel like I'm withering away into an existence of nothingness. Another problem is my proclivity toward human interaction. I do not like being by myself. In fact, I loathe it. I'll be the first to admit that I constantly crave human attention and interaction. My brain will literally explode from boredom and frustration without it. It also doesn't help that a person that I've been striving for does not seem to require the same amount of attention that I need from them. I guess to each their own. Or perhaps, it was not meant to be. Regardless, this has also caused some frustration and some neurotic thoughts of inferiority. We shall see I suppose...

Of course I have been looking for something to preoccupy my mind, but it is easier said than done. I'm just waiting for school to start at this point. I want to be busy again. I want to feel the stresses of being overwhelmed all the time with too much work. I think that I thrive under those types of situations rather than doing nothing at all. I've tried picking up some hobbies. None of which seemed to stick. I really need to better myself in so many ways, yet I cannot force myself to do so.

I need to be more strict on me. I need to stop making excuses and just go do it. So damnit, why can't I??