tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-387945362024-02-08T02:37:53.788-08:00Exploring the Infinite AbyssReality as I view it. Diatribes are included.Audreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06128491262232168073noreply@blogger.comBlogger55125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38794536.post-81237278370720495282014-01-23T23:53:00.002-08:002014-01-23T23:56:57.155-08:00Let go<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I have a problem... I tend to hold onto people so tightly that it becomes hard for me to let go when the time has come... Space is needed most definitely, yet I can't admit to myself that maybe just maybe, I need that space to get better. Instead, I try to cling even closer. I try to hold onto something that is all but gone. Maybe it's the sense that I finally found something that I could possibly keep.. There is no for sure way of knowing, but I guess I have that gut feeling that something there is right. To me, there was the chemistry, there was the personality, there was the intellect, and of course the mutual attraction to each other. It should be simple right? If it works on both ends, then you go forth, full steam ahead. I guess love is complicated like that. Relationships are never easy and even though there should be everything there to make it work, there almost always is some sort of issue or problem at hand. In my case, it had to do with timing. Timing sure is a bitch and maybe there is a future. However, is that something that I should wish for? Of course not. Secretly, and in a way not so secretly, I harbor that idea in my mind. I wish for it, I hope for it, but my impatience has been showing its' ugly head. I constantly look at my phone waiting for a text, waiting for a call, just a sign that I'm still being thought of. It is very mentally and physically draining, and I tell myself I need to stop, yet I can't make myself stop. My mind constantly whirling has made me become a victim of myself... I do this constantly. I do it incessantly and yet I'm tired of it. Can't I just let it go and let it be? Let destiny and whatever that stuff is work its' magic? Seemingly not. </div>
Audreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06128491262232168073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38794536.post-6740792438850033582012-02-28T06:52:00.000-08:002012-02-28T06:52:03.889-08:00Funny isn't it?My last post, I had all these expectations for myself. Suffice to say, I would say that so far, none of them have lived up to what I have expected... Well maybe all except one... But only because it has not happened yet and will not until I'm done with my masters program.. My relationship... Well that crumbled... I'm still in limbo with the status of whether or not friendship can exist or not. I'm assuming friendship will exist because I want it to. This person still matters to me, and I still care and love them. Perhaps only in a platonic matter now, but even then it's questionable... This person has recently reached out to me, which honestly had me freaked out. However, now I think I'm fine with it. If this person wanted to get back together, I know it would be a horrible idea, and that I should say no... Yet part of me knows that I lack the strength and wish for something that I once had... No, I must be strong. I must be true to myself. I know the consequences, and yet somehow I'm willing to face them. Actions speak louder than words perhaps, so maybe I should just await to see what happens. <br /><br />My exercise regiment has not even fully begin... I think I'm recently starting to get back into it. I feel good about it, but the question is will I be adamant about doing it? My laziness often supersedes my ability to actually be active... It's sad really... I look at myself now, and wonder what happened? I used to be in shape, and now I'm just a blob, ready to be molded. However, my friend did introduce me to a new workout regiment that I am honestly quite fond of. Perhaps this time it shall work out. Yet my pessimism starts to kick in, and I wonder if it really will.... <br /><br />School on the other hand has been rather lackluster. I lack the drive that I once had during fall semester. Maybe it's because now I know how classes work, and I'm not freaked out anymore. I know now how to handle my classes at bare minimum and still do rather decently. Well, at least in my opinion. I think the only thing I care about is my thesis film and getting that completed. In a program that is heavily focused on that, how could I care about anything else besides that? I need to work on it badly though. I need to get my focus back together. What can I do to get me back? What can I do to get the fervor I once had back? It constantly haunts me.... Yet wondering probably will do no good....Audreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06128491262232168073noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38794536.post-721049319435924582011-12-31T09:42:00.000-08:002011-12-31T09:42:33.839-08:00New Years?Blogger world... I have ignored you far too long and have thus decided to at least post something... Really though, it doesn't matter. No one reads this anyway. I'm not popular nor am I interesting, therefore this has become an online journal of sorts for me. I guess that's what a blogger is? <br /><br />So 2011... I guess it's been a decent year. No real big ups or downs. It just existed... I would say one big highlight would be getting in to grad school. Grad school is arduous and stress inducing but as a whole, I kind of like it. I complain all the time about my work load and yet now that I'm on break, I want to be back in the grind of it all. Another highlight would be that I'm in a relationship with a pretty awesome person. That's really all there is to it. <br /><br />So 2012... The year we apparently die... Well if the world doesn't end at the end of 2012, I hope to have a steady job that provides a steady income. Ideally, I'd hope to be doing something that I really enjoy. Most importantly, I hope to be out of my household and living on my own. Well I guess that requires a steady income first doesn't it? I hope that my relationship stays strong and that we stay together. Hopefully our bond just grows stronger. Lastly, I need to get in shape... Badly. I can't emphasize that fact enough. So my last resolution is simply to exercise, lose weight, and get in shape!!<br />
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That is all... <br />
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<br />Audreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06128491262232168073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38794536.post-86299021135432475722011-09-22T22:08:00.000-07:002011-09-22T22:08:36.725-07:00Oh you know...How to describe you life?? I find it rather cyclical, rather stressful, rather dull, yet rather invigorating. Contradictory?? Always, but isn't that how life really is?<br /><br />I've been in school. I must admit, grad school is pretty crazy. Sometimes I wish I could just drop it all, scream "screw this," and go on my merry way, but we all know that this is an implausible concept. In reality though, I guess I am kept grounded by those around me. Those that also suffer as I do with the amount of work that I am given. Those that are also my support my group. <br /><br />In reality though, this is merely just a speck in my existence. Just a single second of my life time, and yet I constantly wonder when it is going to end. Perhaps sometime soon, in hindsight, I'd really appreciate it. Audreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06128491262232168073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38794536.post-91934498532777991832011-08-02T02:15:00.000-07:002011-08-02T02:19:14.871-07:00Progressive FrustrationIt progresses well so to speak, but behind the veil, lies a deep frustration...<br /><br />Yes, it is primordial in nature. Yes, it is a craving. Can it be fulfilled? Perhaps when the time and opportunity is right.<br /><br />At first glance, I thought there was something. Perhaps my intuitions were wrong as they always seem to be. Misleading... At least by appearance and action... Therefore I wait for the right moment.<br /><br />Until then.. I take it day by day..Audreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06128491262232168073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38794536.post-3539229981940527602011-06-30T23:41:00.000-07:002011-06-30T23:43:47.384-07:00Seemingly so..So I'm an asshole. I'm a selfish douchebag whom has no consideration for others. Is there an AA around here? That is an Assholes Anonymous?<br /><br /><br />I've never felt so shattered in my entire life. I need a reinventing. A so called reawakening. I'm not angry. Only angry at myself. How did I end up the way I did? I think in an attempt to protect myself, I lash out at others. I like to play the bad guy but I'm really the good.<br /><br />I don't even know anymore... Why bother...Audreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06128491262232168073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38794536.post-15856212439173035022011-05-30T19:27:00.000-07:002011-05-30T19:41:12.776-07:00A Diatribe of Sorts...I may be writing this out of boredom, or the fact that I really do want to vent, but I'm going to say that it's more of the former rather than the latter.<br /><br />Being at home without a job sucks. Being at home without going to school also sucks. In sum, I need something to do with my life or else I feel like I'm withering away into an existence of nothingness. Another problem is my proclivity toward human interaction. I do not like being by myself. In fact, I loathe it. I'll be the first to admit that I constantly crave human attention and interaction. My brain will literally explode from boredom and frustration without it. It also doesn't help that a person that I've been striving for does not seem to require the same amount of attention that I need from them. I guess to each their own. Or perhaps, it was not meant to be. Regardless, this has also caused some frustration and some neurotic thoughts of inferiority. We shall see I suppose...<br /><br />Of course I have been looking for something to preoccupy my mind, but it is easier said than done. I'm just waiting for school to start at this point. I want to be busy again. I want to feel the stresses of being overwhelmed all the time with too much work. I think that I thrive under those types of situations rather than doing nothing at all. I've tried picking up some hobbies. None of which seemed to stick. I really need to better myself in so many ways, yet I cannot force myself to do so.<br /><br />I need to be more strict on me. I need to stop making excuses and just go do it. So damnit, why can't I??Audreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06128491262232168073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38794536.post-70835212006573577672011-04-28T22:37:00.001-07:002011-04-28T22:39:24.134-07:00Hello world...Why hello blogger. Last we spoke, it was the beginning of the new year. It's almost half way through the year now which almost boggles my mind.<br /><br />I must admit things could be worse. Things could also be better, but in reality, they're pretty damn good. I really should not be complaining.<br /><br />I got into grad school in which I will be starting the day after my birthday. I got into quite the accredited university which I am elated about. It was the only school I applied to as well, so had I not gotten in, that would have been a different story.<br /><br />Other than that, I am a massive bum until I start school. I am currently jobless looking for a part timer to tide me over. So if anyone knows anything... Please feel free to let me know.<br /><br />And this is my update to the world.Audreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06128491262232168073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38794536.post-35824980737686561902011-01-12T22:05:00.000-08:002011-01-19T16:10:07.343-08:00Please don't let me down...As my title to this post states, it is rather obvious what I am referring too... Well first and foremost, the title of my post is actually lyrics to a new song that one of my favorite bands just posted recently. Frankly, I can't get enough of the new song, and it's been playing on repeat.<br /><br />But I digress.... My last post was prior to the new year and thus much could have happened between then and now. Alas this is not necessarily the case, but some changes have been made. My ship has sailed from my prior job and I am now moving to a new one. I have good feelings about this, yet part of me knows how fragile my state of mind is, and thus perhaps this idea known as hope is futile. One of my favorite movies, as cheesy as it is, would always state that hope is the best of things. Hell, in fact, it was the central motif of the whole film. Regardless I have learned from experience that hope perhaps is not the best of things when one hopes way too much. Now I sound like a debbie downer, but I'd rather be pleasantly surprised than all together crushed.<br /><br />I am hoping that this new year brings me lots of new joys. I think I deserve it. My last couple of years have failed me as such and perhaps karma is going to stay positive on my end this year. What can I hope for other than that? I guess that's a fine balance between not being too hopeful and not being too pessimistic. We shall see now shall we??Audreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06128491262232168073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38794536.post-80646926468491611562010-11-26T18:16:00.001-08:002010-11-26T18:20:11.952-08:00RipplesA feeling of restlessness... Perhaps created?? Perhaps intrinsic?? Everyday a dull hum in my continual cycle of monotony...<br /><br />Understanding more and more what life is... Monotony after monotony... Cyclical and mundane... Maybe I'm becoming a Nihilist... Maybe I'm just a realist... Maybe this is what it is, and life is finally settling into what it is supposed to be. Somehow I doubt that though. Somehow I find it hard to swallow. When one emanates ambition and a willingness for success, one must somehow achieve said goal. Perhaps this is reality and I have been living in a dream all along. Perhaps...<br /><br /><br />Regardless, this I know for sure, a change is a necessity in order to cure myself from my so called cabin fever.Audreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06128491262232168073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38794536.post-23133332090069023112010-10-27T23:15:00.000-07:002010-10-27T23:24:17.601-07:00As the wheels churn...My proclamation is simple and that is to work on me for me... I believe I stated this in my last post as I was losing track of what it is to be and how to truly define myself. I was putting myself in others when in reality I needed to control self. Truly I am a people person, and seemingly so, one of my biggest fears is being alone.<br /><br />Alas I have been working on self as of late and trying not to focus on others. This in itself can be quite a task coming from me. New people are coming into my life and for that I am truly blessed. People that I can foresee a wonderful future with. Yet it makes me digress from my main objective on achieving my own personal goals.<br /><br />I need to get out of the hole that I have currently placed myself in. I blame it on karma, on the universe, and everything else but myself when in reality, I have myself to blame as well. This is my time. Stop this sluggard approach and get on it.Audreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06128491262232168073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38794536.post-74778904920885629552010-09-25T23:13:00.000-07:002010-09-25T23:18:42.388-07:00A ClicheI am first and foremost whole heartedly against cliches and silly sayings, but perhaps in this case, the phrase "everything happens for a reason" happens to ring true.<br /><br />My life was not in the direction I wanted to go. As of now, it isn't either, but at least I am willing to progress and move on. I have a better understanding of self than I have ever known before. Well... At least how I believe it to be....<br /><br />I know what path I should follow in order to create the happiness that I ultimately need/want for myself. All in all, bliss comes first when one is happy with oneself first. It may sound selfish, but how can one please others when one is not satisfied with self?<br /><br />I am still scarred... I am still hurt... But more than ever, this scar has allowed me to move on and march forward. From now on, I drum to my own beat. Maybe then I will know what true happiness is and satisfaction of self. For now, I can only make the decisions that will lead me to that point.Audreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06128491262232168073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38794536.post-90061543301883778532010-08-23T20:53:00.000-07:002010-08-23T20:54:59.392-07:00NumbIf this is heart break then it could quite possibly be the worst feeling that I have ever encountered... It could have ended worse... It could have been better... But alas, I only feel the stabbing pain of it... I hope and wish for the best.. But that in itself is to be determined...Audreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06128491262232168073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38794536.post-39951259807324567902010-08-05T00:22:00.000-07:002010-08-05T00:24:14.109-07:00TornI am torn between what my heart tells me and what my logic tells me. Perhaps it isn't a question of mind over heart but simply a matter of what is the best for me and what isn't. Should I continue or should I stop? Will my continual addiction feed my eventual demise? Will I end up broken in the end?<br /><br />Suffice to say, far too much has occurred and thus pain is inevitable, but hopefully it will scar less than how it shall feel. I know this much...Audreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06128491262232168073noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38794536.post-41177717335839636662010-07-18T21:35:00.000-07:002010-07-18T21:41:57.768-07:00A haltOften I would wonder about my consequences and my destiny... For the past couple of years I often complained about my tragedies... I believed that my tragedies always seemed to circumvent and over power my blessings. In reality, this would be the exact opposite effect. For, my blessings have created the strong person I am today. Circumstances may not have occurred the way I have imagined it which has ultimately me a more disgruntled person, but alas, what am I to do but to accept them from what they are. I am still alive, I am still breathing, my gifts far outweigh my shortcomings and yet here I am....<br /><br />I am blessed. I am loved. I have been graced with more than I could possibly imagine. Perhaps it is selfish to wish for more. To wish for more in a different sense, but perhaps I have not reached my full capacity... Until then, I await....Audreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06128491262232168073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38794536.post-57180123432091179902010-05-23T23:41:00.000-07:002010-05-23T23:44:31.630-07:00Somehow I wonderSometimes I wonder what is my purpose... Am I finding my worth? Am I finding my calling? Am I on the right path?<br /><br />It seems that bittersweet destiny likes to make a folly of me. For I question and I question, I try and I try, yet there is never an answer. Perhaps this is life, perhaps this is the cruel sweet truth of destiny. Perhaps I am in the wrong. Or maybe, it's as simple as it sounds.. It just is... Why even question??<br /><br />It seems I am getting my priorities all tied up. What should be the most important has somehow fallen in place. This needs to be recuperated. This needs to be fixed. For I am my own worst enemy, and I alone am the only one that can change that.Audreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06128491262232168073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38794536.post-12037386598004256992010-04-08T22:16:00.000-07:002010-04-08T22:19:24.167-07:00Your presence, becomes a sense of solace in my delirium<br />An essence of ever calming nectar to my weary ridden soulAudreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06128491262232168073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38794536.post-29983531187068550022010-02-09T16:56:00.000-08:002010-02-09T16:59:40.186-08:00Exploring the Infinite Depths...Ahh here I lie in a comatose state.... Exploring... Defining... Searching...<br /><br />Looking through my inner soul, the darkest depths, the smallest crevices, and trying to find what lies hidden. A paradigm needs to be solved, a paradox waiting to be found. Soul searching could be the term... A quest to find myself could be the other... I shall continue this search from high to low, from the infinite to the beyond... I shall not waste any time...<br /><br /><br />Much is to be pondered... Much is to be wondered... Much is a quandary... Much is a riddle....<br /><br />Will I succeed? Only time shall tell....Audreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06128491262232168073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38794536.post-60351438933754321422010-01-13T14:28:00.001-08:002010-01-13T14:30:10.528-08:00The HungerFunny how life works its' magic... I must admit, 2010, will be an interesting year. An interesting year indeed...<br /><br />I must admit, I yearn, and I want. I want something that seems so unattainable, but yet I cannot stop thinking about it. I like to think of it as a hunger of sorts. The hunger of wanting something so badly yet you know your chances are slim to none.<br /><br />I want this so bad I will do almost anything... Almost.....Audreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06128491262232168073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38794536.post-64210512550021741682010-01-01T20:43:00.000-08:002010-01-01T21:06:10.896-08:00Come good tidings, I await thee in this time of new venturesHello there blog, long time no see! I hope you are well, for I am ok, I could be better. Yet again, I shall not complain because "ok" is better than bad. I should be thankful for what has been given to me versus greedy for what I do not have that I want. Now I digress... The real point of this post is discuss the situation at hand. It is coming close, almost a year that I have graduated and boy is it strange going this long without any sort of proper academic schooling. I must admit, I imagined things to be a tid bit different... Who am I kidding.. I imagined it to be much different from the way it is right now.<br /><br />Yet again, who am I to comment on the path that I have chosen.. It was made for me. It was designed for me. I can change it instantaneously with my choices, but then again, how would I ever know what is to happen next? I can't help the forces that create us, that manage us, that choose the life that we make of ourselves. One thing I know for a fact is that I am in a bump in my life to say the least. Most likely it is because I have placed too much of a higher expectation of myself. I am a dreamer, what can I say. I can't stop being a dreamer. My overactive imagination has created these goals and impressions of myself that I currently cannot fulfill. Or perhaps that is my belief that I cannot fulfill said goal?? I do not know. One thing is for sure, I do lack the motivation to do so. I find it so hard to gather the strength to do anything that could further my career anymore. It is almost as if I have given up and I accept my position in life. I am stuck in my rut, and apparently there is nothing I could do about it.<br /><br />I know these beliefs are all false. There is plenty I can do. The question is, how do I change this viewpoint of myself? My persona has lost it's will. I have almost lost my will to fight being stuck in this gaping rut for so long. I'm trapped in my own prison, my mind, my environment, and everything in between. Perhaps I just got to start worrying about myself... They say worry brings about action. I have been rather stressed lately about this issue. It obviously isn't a good feeling to always be worried, anxious, and stressed about your life.<br /><br />Maybe it's because I aim too high in my life. Too high for the current economy, the current times, the current state I am. Maybe my dreams are just way too unrealistic for the time being. This is also a plausibility. I am not saying that I should abandon my dreams and give up all hope, but just take it one step at a time to finally achieve what I've always dreamed for. I'm not going to get a free hand-out and get everything I want with a snap of a finger. The sooner I realize this, the sooner I'll be better... Baby steps... That's all it takes... And now for step 1....Audreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06128491262232168073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38794536.post-59008812352515903152009-10-01T00:01:00.000-07:002009-10-01T00:23:03.802-07:00Forsaken!! Oh Forsaken!!I was told about the confusion, the dilemma, so to speak, when you're out of school. You're clueless, what do you do? Your whole life was simple, now it's just so complicated, a paradigm if you will. Well, I believed it. I was told what would happen, but I was just unsure of what exactly would happen to me. Every experience is different as one would say, but what am I to expect? They throw you out with nothing. No one. Nothing, silence, ambiguity. I sit. I wait. I take the little that I have learned and try to apply it to my environment, and alas, I am unsuccessful.<br /><br />Ahh to be taken back to those days. Those days when everything was almost automatic, a robotic sort of way. Serene. Uncomplicated. Simple. My path was clear and it was straight. Someone was always holding my hand, and guiding me to my destination. Now they have let go. I am on my own. My own wake within the fold. Still I stand, just staring. All these questions I have. All these complexities that I ask myself. I thought I knew, but doesn't everyone? So many different roads for me to take, so to speak, yet none offer one clear path. I sit down, shaking. Unable to commit, unable to make a decision. I question which is the right path, but is there even one?<br /><br />My mind, a paradox, my feelings, are often in disarray. So I contemplate, and I contemplate some more. It does a body good so to speak or does it leave it lost in the woods. My commitment lacks. My disappointment in myself grows. Why can't I set myself on the right path? Why can't I push myself as much as I did before? Perhaps I've lost my fire. Perhaps I've lost my faith. Perhaps, just perhaps, I'm asking for guidance. Though none is apparent. Maybe, just maybe, I need to find this one on my own...Audreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06128491262232168073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38794536.post-11571124114774656872009-08-18T23:18:00.000-07:002009-08-18T23:19:30.638-07:00A favor perhaps?I need a life.<br /><br />Can someone give me one?<br /><br /><br />The end.Audreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06128491262232168073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38794536.post-27603876664301459142009-05-26T00:27:00.000-07:002009-05-26T00:31:46.421-07:00N/AIt's a strange incessant feeling. One that doesn't seem to make any sense. It ticks away at me like a clock, always working its' way out. How can I stop it? No I do not know. I know how to make it feel better, but the more I think about it, I push myself away. I am straying myself away from sanity. I am falling deeper and deeper into a hole. I would like to seek the help of others. Yet I cannot bring myself to do so. I desire to make things better, to have it make sense again. But what do I do but screw it up. Only to worsen it more than ever. I have let so many down. So many of those the peers that I respect the most. I cannot even bring myself to say a simple "sorry." An apology straight from the heart. I might be a monster, I might be inconsiderate. In the end, we're all human aren't we? Our fallacies are just another trait that makes us what we are. This is so ambiguous that it beats me down so. I wish I could muster up the courage to do what my heart tells me so. Alas, I am a coward, and forever a coward I shall remain.Audreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06128491262232168073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38794536.post-83757542178699593912009-04-13T22:30:00.001-07:002009-05-06T12:08:23.431-07:00The Ambiguity of it allI guess I haven't posted in a bit, at least for me. I've had an interesting time in the past few months. As school winded down, I dealt with a little bit of a love interest, some drama, and just worry for my life as a post grad. I guess as it all culminated, my confidence took the best of me, and I didn't feel that finding a job would be that difficult for me. Well, my confidence is slapping me in the face, and I, well I, truly do deserve it.Audreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06128491262232168073noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38794536.post-37625012046720302892009-02-08T19:24:00.000-08:002009-02-08T19:35:30.051-08:00Exploring the Downward SpiralThis does not just apply to me, but to everyone, especially the people graduating this year like me. It sucks...Truly it does. We're graduating in one of the worst years possible. How are we to find a job in an economic situation like this? I know that I've already had a rough time. I'm done in about a month and a half and I'm scared already. If only I had graduated a year earlier, or two, I would be in a mess, but not so much of a mess. I have already applied to some positions in some large tv/film corporations, but so far, no responses, except for one which automatically rejected me. My first job rejection. I guess you can count that as a momentous occasion for me. At least in the most despondent of ways. What do I expect though? Everyone is cutting back on jobs and hours. Everyone is scared. It's not even our country either. Everyone is suffering around the world. The corporate pigs that feed off of us are only getting richer, while the lower classes just suffer more. Degrees do not even matter anymore. What's the point? Everyone is fighting for position A because they need the money, and everyone has the same amount of experience as well as education as everyone else. Position A will be filled by Joe Schmo from god knows where, and you'll be left there with nothing. Keep searching I suppose. Giving up is never an option, especially when your futue depends on it.<br /><br />I on the other hand, would really like to do the peace corps. Unfortunately I know that since many people are feeling the beating hands of the economy, they are going to try to do the same thing as me. My reason for wanting to do the peace corps is not because of the financial crises that we are currently facing, rather, it is for my own improvement and my dedication to doing something better for this world. I would love to work in Africa. Africa is such a beautiful place with wonderful people and blossoming cultures. I have never been there, but I study Africa and I am so infatuated with it. My dream would be to live with a tribe for a year or two, study them, and make a documentary. Let's hope. The peace corp application is quite ridiculous though. I still need about one and a half to two years of experience. Once submitted, the application goes through another six to nine month process and then you find out. This means, it could be up to three years or three and a half. I think it would be worth it. Perhaps I'll find a job (if I can even get any) and do the work I need to do while at that job.<br /><br />I feel sorry for Obama. Sorry for any president at this moment in time. We place high hopes on him. We would have placed high hopes on anyone that is elected. Yet, if he does not fulfill that, it will all go down. This idea is stupid to me. How could one place so much hope in one man when it is impossible for one man to accomplish the paradigm of our generation? The worst economic slump in decades. What is he to do? As an icon for our country, he is the one that suffers the most. He is the one that is blamed for everything. I am not saying that I dislike Obama or anything for that matter. I place my hope in him as well, but I cannot say that I believe that he can be the miracle worker that he so claims as well as the rest of the believers. It will not magically disappear, rather it will take years of hard work, dedication, and somebody who has many ideas to fix our current conundrum.<br /><br />The question is. Who has the great idea? The stimulus to fix us. I know I'm not the one, but it would be nice to be known as the savior.Audreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06128491262232168073noreply@blogger.com0