An all too familiar feeling

I can't really explain how I feel except that all I know is that I feel that I am all alone in this desperate state of affairs. I feel so alone. My one fear feels like it has come true, the one thing that I attempt to avoid at all costs has finally hit me flat on in the face. It feels as if no one is ever there for me or bothers to even care, although I know they do. People do show their affections in different ways, perhaps it is there neglect that really does portray some sort of care for a person. They do not need to physically show it, but it is there. I am surrounded by a environment that thrives upon sociability and yet I cannot let myself bask in it. I lose myself. I am losing myself. I am losing myself from everyone.

My environment is causing my destruction. It seems that change has only offered me a turn for the worse rather than a euphoria that I was hoping for. I wished for a change, I wished for my happiness, and yet I never get it. I get splurges of energetic yet superficial happiness, and within seconds I fall back into despair. It never seems to end for me. What do I want? What do I feel? I feel so conflicted all the time and I continually still blame myself. I just need to get used to this. This lack of privacy, this change in environment. What do I do know? Change can be a good thing as people say, but I fear it the most. Perhaps all I need is time. Time heals but it can also destroy even more so.

All I know is one thing, despite the fact that I am surrounded by those that supposedly love and care for me, I have never felt so alone in my entire life......