Thursday, January 23, 2014

Let go

I have a problem... I tend to hold onto people so tightly that it becomes hard for me to let go when the time has come... Space is needed most definitely, yet I can't admit to myself that maybe just maybe, I need that space to get better. Instead, I try to cling even closer. I try to hold onto something that is all but gone. Maybe it's the sense that I finally found something that I could possibly keep.. There is no for sure way of knowing, but I guess I have that gut feeling that something there is right. To me, there was the chemistry, there was the personality, there was the intellect, and of course the mutual attraction to each other. It should be simple right? If it works on both ends, then you go forth, full steam ahead. I guess love is complicated like that. Relationships are never easy and even though there should be everything there to make it work, there almost always is some sort of issue or problem at hand. In my case, it had to do with timing. Timing sure is a bitch and maybe there is a future. However, is that something that I should wish for? Of course not. Secretly, and in a way not so secretly, I harbor that idea in my mind. I wish for it, I hope for it, but my impatience has been showing its' ugly head. I constantly look at my phone waiting for a text, waiting for a call, just a sign that I'm still being thought of. It is very mentally and physically draining, and I tell myself I need to stop, yet I can't make myself stop. My mind constantly whirling has made me become a victim of myself... I do this constantly. I do it incessantly and yet I'm tired of it. Can't I just let it go and let it be? Let destiny and whatever that stuff is work its' magic? Seemingly not.