Funny how life works its' magic... I must admit, 2010, will be an interesting year. An interesting year indeed...
I must admit, I yearn, and I want. I want something that seems so unattainable, but yet I cannot stop thinking about it. I like to think of it as a hunger of sorts. The hunger of wanting something so badly yet you know your chances are slim to none.
I want this so bad I will do almost anything... Almost.....
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Friday, January 01, 2010
Come good tidings, I await thee in this time of new ventures
Hello there blog, long time no see! I hope you are well, for I am ok, I could be better. Yet again, I shall not complain because "ok" is better than bad. I should be thankful for what has been given to me versus greedy for what I do not have that I want. Now I digress... The real point of this post is discuss the situation at hand. It is coming close, almost a year that I have graduated and boy is it strange going this long without any sort of proper academic schooling. I must admit, I imagined things to be a tid bit different... Who am I kidding.. I imagined it to be much different from the way it is right now.
Yet again, who am I to comment on the path that I have chosen.. It was made for me. It was designed for me. I can change it instantaneously with my choices, but then again, how would I ever know what is to happen next? I can't help the forces that create us, that manage us, that choose the life that we make of ourselves. One thing I know for a fact is that I am in a bump in my life to say the least. Most likely it is because I have placed too much of a higher expectation of myself. I am a dreamer, what can I say. I can't stop being a dreamer. My overactive imagination has created these goals and impressions of myself that I currently cannot fulfill. Or perhaps that is my belief that I cannot fulfill said goal?? I do not know. One thing is for sure, I do lack the motivation to do so. I find it so hard to gather the strength to do anything that could further my career anymore. It is almost as if I have given up and I accept my position in life. I am stuck in my rut, and apparently there is nothing I could do about it.
I know these beliefs are all false. There is plenty I can do. The question is, how do I change this viewpoint of myself? My persona has lost it's will. I have almost lost my will to fight being stuck in this gaping rut for so long. I'm trapped in my own prison, my mind, my environment, and everything in between. Perhaps I just got to start worrying about myself... They say worry brings about action. I have been rather stressed lately about this issue. It obviously isn't a good feeling to always be worried, anxious, and stressed about your life.
Maybe it's because I aim too high in my life. Too high for the current economy, the current times, the current state I am. Maybe my dreams are just way too unrealistic for the time being. This is also a plausibility. I am not saying that I should abandon my dreams and give up all hope, but just take it one step at a time to finally achieve what I've always dreamed for. I'm not going to get a free hand-out and get everything I want with a snap of a finger. The sooner I realize this, the sooner I'll be better... Baby steps... That's all it takes... And now for step 1....
Yet again, who am I to comment on the path that I have chosen.. It was made for me. It was designed for me. I can change it instantaneously with my choices, but then again, how would I ever know what is to happen next? I can't help the forces that create us, that manage us, that choose the life that we make of ourselves. One thing I know for a fact is that I am in a bump in my life to say the least. Most likely it is because I have placed too much of a higher expectation of myself. I am a dreamer, what can I say. I can't stop being a dreamer. My overactive imagination has created these goals and impressions of myself that I currently cannot fulfill. Or perhaps that is my belief that I cannot fulfill said goal?? I do not know. One thing is for sure, I do lack the motivation to do so. I find it so hard to gather the strength to do anything that could further my career anymore. It is almost as if I have given up and I accept my position in life. I am stuck in my rut, and apparently there is nothing I could do about it.
I know these beliefs are all false. There is plenty I can do. The question is, how do I change this viewpoint of myself? My persona has lost it's will. I have almost lost my will to fight being stuck in this gaping rut for so long. I'm trapped in my own prison, my mind, my environment, and everything in between. Perhaps I just got to start worrying about myself... They say worry brings about action. I have been rather stressed lately about this issue. It obviously isn't a good feeling to always be worried, anxious, and stressed about your life.
Maybe it's because I aim too high in my life. Too high for the current economy, the current times, the current state I am. Maybe my dreams are just way too unrealistic for the time being. This is also a plausibility. I am not saying that I should abandon my dreams and give up all hope, but just take it one step at a time to finally achieve what I've always dreamed for. I'm not going to get a free hand-out and get everything I want with a snap of a finger. The sooner I realize this, the sooner I'll be better... Baby steps... That's all it takes... And now for step 1....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
